Say you want a Resolution... (with apologies to the Beatles)

Well, glad that's over.

That being "the holiday season."

I haven't been enthusiastic about Christmas since, oh, I dunno, when I was thirteen or so. I'm not religious, I don't always like my family very much, and I never have as much money as I'd like to have.

Therefore, the holidays are stressful, expensive, boring, busy (I often wonder how boring and busy can go together, but just because I'm running around like a chicken minus its brainpan doesn't mean I'm interested in anything I'm doing...), and on top of that now, a major stumbling block towards my healthy-eating thing.

My brother-in-law came down for Thanksgiving (with his dog). This is the first time I've seen the man since I married his younger brother... TWELVE FREAKING YEARS AGO!

(Quick story; when I met his brother, I glanced between Thomas and his brother... and thought as far as looks went, I was getting off second best. Which is not to say I've ever thought my husband was UNattractive, but compared to his brother... well, let's just say 75 pounds doesn't really look good on anyone... and now... well, the two of them still look astonishingly alike, but I think I came out the long-term winner... his brother is still whippet thin, but he's also about two inches shorter and has an unfortunate tendency to dress in orange. Which made him quite popular with my child, whose favorite color is *also* orange, but doesn't really do great things for his complexion.)

And then we drove 10 hours down to Georgia to spend a week being bored with my mother. St. Simon's Island, Georgia might not be quite as bucolic as my dad's farm up in Spotsylvania, but... you're taking two complete geeks and dropping them someplace with 1 computer, dial-up connection, a 15-inch TV, no working DVD player, and no cell phone reception. Also, it was still cold as all get out, and my mother was recovering from knee replacement surgery. All of which means we had nothing to do and a lot of time to do it in. (We did give my step-dad a DVD player for his Xmas gift and the first thing Thomas did was set it up so we could watch teeny tiny star trek...)

And then we drove 10 hours back and my brother-in-law came back for New Year's. (with the dog again.)

Busy. And yet, boring.

I did gain some weight, but only about 3 pounds, and according to the Wii, I've already taken it right back off.

Maintenance sucks, just so you know. I thought it would get easier, but it doesn't. I really need to get my shit together and drop another 5 pounds or so, just so I have a little more wiggle room. I've already had to pay for one meeting in December. (I was 1.6 over my 2 pound tolerance... which is actually 3.6 pounds up from goal... blah!)

Anyway...

This year, I'd like to give myself the following:

Continued good health.

I intend to achieve this by dropping to at least 129 pounds (at the moment, that's a needed loss of less than 5 pounds). I further would like to keep in shape by continuing to go to the fitness center at least twice, and preferably three times a week. I would also like to get in at least 30 minutes of yoga per week.

Less stress.

I intend to achieve this by continuing with my good housekeeping skills. I also intend to start keeping a budget, so that I can track why we never seem to have any extra money. I am keeping a weekly calendar as well, so I can better track my daughter's homework and school stuff, appointments, and birthdays, so I can stop stressing out last minute when I either remember that I forgot something, or find out that my cousin's birthday is TOMORROW.

More time with friends.

This year, to try to cut down on the amount of money I spent on people's Christmas presents, I gave my closest friends a small token gift and a certificate. These certificates are set up that I will spend one afternoon/evening with each of my friends (once a month), take them out to dinner and a movie, or go to a museam, or a baseball game, or whatever... this will allow me to spend more time with the people I care about and also to spread a Christmas budget over the course of a year, so that I'm not overwhelmed with it.

Better family.

I would like to try to continue relations with my aunts and cousins and my brother-in-law. I intend to do this by mailing out cards for holidays and birthdays, calling to chat once a month (rotating through the couins and aunts, so that I don't call anyone more than twice a year... the phone lines do go BOTH WAYS...) I'd also like to spend more quality time with my daugther. Once a month, I'd like to do something for her - go see a movie, go to a museam, go to the park, etc.

Continued improved self esteem.

I'm starting with a professional photo shoot tomorrow, in an attempt to get some better pictures of me in the house. I'd also like to continue with my social service. Once a month, I'd like to give something back to the community; volunteer my time or give blood, or select a charity and make a donation, or give items to the Thrift store.

The gift of reading.

I have recently reaquired a library card, and I've selected (from recommendations) 12 books to read over the course of the year. My goal is to read 2 "new" books per month.

So, those are my goals for 2010 (that's pronounced twenty-ten, thank you very much!)

1 - lose ~5 pounds and maintain my weight
2 - get to the gym
3 - do some yoga
4 - keep up with Flylady
5 - budget!
6 - use weekly calendar (track daughter's homework and projects better)
7 - more time with friends
8 - keep in touch with my relatives
9 - work on self-esteem
10 - read 2 new books every month

How about you? What's on your plate for 2010?

Empty Drawers

I was folding clothes the other day - a thankless task, honestly (however, folding 1 load of laundry burns approximately the same calories as walking a little more than half a mile... that's JUST the folding, not the lugging about of laundry baskets, loading or unloading the washer, etc) and I was thinking "damn, I have a lot of clothes." Then I was folding up a postage-sized pair of underwear. "And they're all tiny."

Truth be told, it takes me longer to fold the laundry now than it used to. What was a full laundry basket two years ago contained six or seven shirts, twelve or fourteen pairs of undies, a few bras, a couple towels and two or three pairs of pants. (If you're gathering from this that I wore the same shirt several times, you'd be correct. I didn't have that many things that fit, nor were flattering... Also, I was probably depressed. The problem with depression is that sometimes you don't know you're in it until you're not... but the symptoms: I rarely left the house, I usually wore the same baggy housedress five or six days in a row - can you say YUCK with me? I know you can! - were all there... it's only NOW that I'm realizing HOW MUCH better my life is...) And my laundry basket was FULL.

These days, a full laundry basket contains 4 - 5 pairs of pants, two pairs of sweat pants, 10 tank tops, 5 t-shirts or blouses, a skirt, one sundress, 17 pairs of undies, 4 bras, 2 sports bras, 2 sports shirts, my Victoria Secrets bathrobe, 2 or 3 sweaters, 18 pairs of socks (I simply cannot BEAR to wear the same socks I worked out in...), four bath towels, 2 gym towels, and my sweat jacket.

I haven't gotten a new laundry basket.

My clothes are just TINY.

On the left side of that photo is one of my cami-bra tops from Express. (I currently have 9 of these things and I still want the espresso brown one, and a few more of the patterned ones.) It's a medium. I tried on the smalls the last time I was there, and while it fit, it also displayed some of the stubborn back fat. Plus the shelf-bra inside it was a LEETLE TIGHT. So, still mediums. I'm ok with that. On the right side of the photo is one of my racer-back tops from Torrid. Right before I started losing weight, I discovered Torrid, and I still recommend them for the plus sized line that actually looks good. Also, their stores are neat, with nice wide aisles (ever wonder why Lane Bryant has to pack their clothes in so tight that you feel like you're going to knock over a display?) and really nice changing rooms. Anyway, I had a number of those tank tops. Size 4XL. That's an XXXXL, just in case you were wondering. (If we wanted to be Roman, it'd be an IVL. That looks better.)

I have an ENTIRE DRAWER of clothes dedicated to activity. Sports bras, yoga pants, sweat pants (I almost called them sweat slacks, except there is NOTHING slack about them... they are Tight as All Hell. I actually have to zip them down my legs... on the plus side, a contractor today from Chesapeake Sidings actually leaned out the window of his truck and yelled 'Nice gams, lady!'... by the way, who the HELL says 'gams' these days?") workout shirts - including my 100 pushups tank because it now has huge sweat stains around the neck and under the arms and is too ratty to wear out in public - sweat bands for my hair, two swim suits (one of them is even a bikini and I look GOOD in it... I am only dismayed that I managed to snag it just at the end of the season and didn't actually get to wear it out to the beach.) and the towels that I take to the gym with me to wipe the sweat off.

And despite this.... I still have two... count them! TWO empty drawers in my dresser.

You know, a size IVL sweater folded up takes up half an entire drawer by itself. I have four sweaters now, folded neatly, in half of one drawer.

So... I have empty space.

Guess I should buy more clothes, aye?

Make Believe

Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat has an interesting series of questions for the dieter/weight warrior/lifestyle changer, whatever you want to call yourself that I thought was particularly pertinent for me today.

Go, read, come back. I'll be here.

Are you done?

Great... now I thought I'd look at this question from the other side of the equation. I am at goal weight (or, at least I was last week, and I don't think I've gained 1.6, which would be enough to push me back to paying for WW's this month...)

1. What is your goal weight or size?

My goal weight was originally 125, but I've had a hard time pushing to that point. For the last four and a half months I've been bouncing around (and I do mean bouncing... my weigh ins look like a 2nd grader's drawing of grass... up down up down...) between 132.4 and 138.

Technically, my goal is 134, which means according to WW, I need to be between 132 and 136. When I mathed out sizes (given that 10 pounds is "about" a size) I figured that from a size 24, if I lost all 90+ pounds that I wanted to lose, I'd end up in a 6, or maybe a 4. I did that. The jeans I'm wearing today are 4s.

2. How do you behave at goal?

At goal, I am... paranoid. Astonishingly enough, getting to goal didn't change me completely! I don't know what I expected, but it's not been a lightbulb moment. I still have yet to look in the mirror and see a thin person. I'm ok with comparisons (ie; I'm thinner than I was, I'm thinner than that person, I'm not the thinnest person in the room) but I still don't feel like I look thin.

I had hoped when I got to goal, I would/could relax a little. And yet, I'm so close to my goal weight that I don't really have any wiggle room. A 2 pound gain for me will have me once again paying for weight watchers, and I've discovered (as you all probably know!) that eating pizza (no matter how MUCH pizza or how LITTLE pizza) will cause me to gain 2 pounds.

I am actually less active than I was while losing. Having finished the 3-Day, I haven't yet instituted a new goal or excercise plan and Sundays, which used to be my crazy-exercise days have now become "sit around the house clicking facebook every 2 minutes" days.

3. What does a person who is active or at a certain weight do to stay there?

According to WW, I should be eating ~22-25 points (give or take) plus my 35 weekly and whatever Activity points I get. I don't know what I've been eating, since my tracking has once again fallen by the wayside. I hate tracking, I really do.

Right now, I'm trying to get back into tracking; 4 days a week, at minimum. I will give myself extra "gold stars" if I do more than 4 days tracking this week. Also, I think I'm slipping on vegetable servings again. Since I haven't been tracking, I don't know for sure. But I'm also trying to get back on track with fruits and vegetables.

Also, I got an unexpected and unpleasant surprise on Halloween. I went to donate blood (a surefire way to lose 1 pound, since a pint's a pound, the world around!) and couldn't because my iron count was too lose (12.5 is the minimum, and mine was stubbornly sitting at 11.) So, for the first time in quite a while, I'm dedicating myself to remembering to take a vitamin. I've always been a little dubious about the whole nutritional supplement thing... it seems to me that if you're eating the way you're supposed to, a vitamin shouldn't be necessary. So, I must not be eating right, eh? I did find a caffienated vitamin from One-A-Day; so I'm going to try that and see if that'll help me keep on track with that goal.

4. At the end of the day sit and think. How was this day? Could “being at goal” be your lifestyle? Could you live like this?

I'm trying really hard... sometimes I think I'm trying too hard! I'm totally stressed, and spending a great deal of time being pissed with Thomas when he eats a 1/2 pounder cheeseburger from Ruby Tuesday's (1350 calories, 90+ grams of fat) and then LOSES weight!!

I won't lie and say that being at goal hasn't had some positive effects; I'm less self-conscious than I used to be (or at least, I no longer CARE what OTHER people think of me... not that other people could POSSIBLY be as harsh on me as I am on myself...) and I have a dresser full of clothes that if I don't absolutely LOVE it, I don't HAVE to wear it. (still working on getting rid of the stuff I don't wear much or at all...)

On the other hand, getting to goal and maintenance hasn't been... easy.

It's worth remembering that just because you get there doesn't mean the work is over. We all know that it's easier to gain weight than to lose it...

Contest News!

I want to thank everyone for their comments and/or retweets... The winners are KyraTX and FlybabyF. Please email me at tisfan at gmail dot com (you know how to reformat that, right? right.) and give me your mailing information so I can get these out to you! Congrats!